Category: Laugh

Noah Parr on Water Torture:

Posted on 30 January, 2017 in Laugh

noah towelThere’s been a lot of howling going on over the past couple weeks about water torture. I keep hearing it in the morning when my mom puts on that show she calls “the news.” Not sure why she calls it that, especially since all she needs to do to get news is sniff around the neighborhood like I do. Anyway, there’s all this talk about water torture, right? So since you pups come to me looking for advice, I’ll share my thoughts on the subject. Here it is: water torture is VERY BAD.

Not sure what your parents call it, but my parents call this torture, “the bath.” I thought baths were supposed to be relaxing… LOL. I hate baths with a passion. So embarrassing, but I even start shaking sometimes before my mom starts this bath situation. I’m supposed to be the tough guy here. But when it comes to baths, count me out. Luckily, thanks to the big dog upstairs, I’ve learned how to navigate the situation. Here are some tips on how you can avoid being tortured:

  1. Run. Not sure how fast you are, but I’m pretty Dog darn fast. Sometimes my mom has to chase me for so long she gives up on bathing me. But PSA, you might get in trouble for this. One time, my mom made me sit in the scary box she calls the “cage” for an hour after I made her chase me. And then she took me to the water torture anyway. It was just a bad day.
  2. Cry. Sometimes, if you put on your cutest puppy dog face and fake cry a little, your humans will feel too guilty to make you bathe. This rarely works for me anymore, because my mom caught on. The woman is smart, I tell you. But if you’re a newb at this, give it a shot. Howler at me if works.
  3. Try Scrubby. So, since my mom knows how much I hate baths, she bought this cool thing called Scrubby. It’s a mitten she puts on her hand that has soap in it. All she does is put a tiny bit of water on the mitten, washes me and then dries me with a towel. It’s pretty awesome. Especially since I hate the water with every fiber of my being. I bet even you cats would like it, or as some of you like to call yourselves now… “alternative dogs.” Whatever. Seriously though, try it. Check out my beautiful mama using it on me below.

Tips from the Pro: Noah Parr on Potty Training

Posted on 25 January, 2017 in Laugh, Learn

noah's linkedinNoah has 2+ years experience in potty training and is now offering counseling services to other dogs looking for guidance.

Hey pups of the world, Noah here. It’s about that time when all the humans start getting mad at you pups for making doo doos all over the house. They usually get us as babies during Christmas time and are all excited because we’re so cute. By now, I bet that excitement is almost over. Now you’re getting yelled at every time you make a doo doo. I mean, really? When you gotta go, you gotta go. Anyway, since I went through all that trouble 2 years ago with my crazy mom, I thought I’d share some tips and save you guys the dog headache, it’s really not worth it.

  1. Let your human put you in the scary box. They might call it a “bed,” or “cage,” or a “crate,” or my favorite, “home.” Let’s be honest here, that box ain’t home. But let me tell you, the scary box, has become my SAFE HAVEN. My mom is like, my favorite thing in the world and all, but she also annoys the poop outta me because she loves me so much. Sometimes I just need to you know… escape. The scary box is now my man cave. And I love it. Also, it really helps with that whole potty training thing the humans like. Because, let’s face it, no one wants to sleep where they poo… that’s just gross.
  2. Eat your food right when the human puts it down. Listen to me. THEY WILL PICK IT UP IF YOU DON’T. And if you’re anything like me, you’ll be starving and trying to eat weird things to hold you over until dinner… like poop. But don’t do that, I have a problem I think. Do not try this at home. At first, I couldn’t figure out why my mom gave me like…10 minutes to eat, but now I know. She wants me on a feeding schedule so she can predict my doo doos and take me out so I can do them on the neighbor’s lawn and not in her room 🙂
  3. Let your human put the shackles on you. Honestly, I was terrified when my mom put that thing on my neck. She calls it a leash… “What in God’s name is a leash? This is totally a shackle” I thought. My mom was trying to get me to walk with it on so I would go to the bathroom. She tried everything: treats, praise and dancing, to get me to walk with that thing on. You name it, she did it. Weirdo. One day I worked up the courage to do it. And guys let me tell you, IT IS AWESOME. Every time I poo or pee I get a treat and hugs. Honestly, I think my mom is kind of ridiculous. But I saw my friend down the street getting treats the other day for the same thing. I guess humans are just silly. That being said, MILK IT GUYS. The leash is cool. I get to go on walks and I get treats when I poop. Life is good.

If you have any questions, send me a howl. I love helping you pups. Good luck!